I say thank you to ChatGPT.
Not occasionally. But every single time I interact with it.
I also say please when I ask it to do something. If it gives me a particularly helpful answer, I tell it that. Sometimes I find myself saying things like, “This is great, thank you so much!” or “That’s a wonderful insight, I really appreciate it!”
Which, when you think about it, is a little ridiculous.
ChatGPT doesn’t care if I’m polite. I’m not going to hurt its feelings if I skip the thank you. It won’t think I’m rude if I bark out a command instead of asking nicely.
And yet, I keep doing it.
Not because I think the chatbot needs my gratitude.
Because I think I do.
As more of our lives are spent interacting with technology, I’ve been thinking about a question that extends far beyond whether we should say please and thank you to AI:
What are we practicing when no other human is around?
Our brains continually learn from what we repeatedly do. And the way we communicate with others is shaped, in large part, by the way we practice communicating every day.
And increasingly, we’re practicing communication with machines.
We Are What We Practice
One of the most fundamental concepts in neuroscience is neuroplasticity: the ability of our brains to change and adapt based on what we experience and repeatedly do.
Put more simply: We are what we practice.
Practice the piano, and the patterns of movement required to play become easier and more automatic. Take the same route to work every day, and eventually you can drive it almost without thinking. Make a habit of expressing gratitude to the people around you, and saying thank you starts to come more naturally.
This is a fundamental feature of the brain: repeating a behavior strengthens the neural systems involved in producing that behavior, making it easier to repeat.
Usually, we think about this as a good thing. It’s how we learn skills and build habits without having to consciously think through every step, every time.
But our brains don’t only learn the things we intentionally practice.
They learn from the things we repeatedly do.
And that distinction matters in a world in which more and more of our daily interactions are happening with machines.
What Are We Repeatedly Doing With AI?
This brings me back to ChatGPT.
For most of human history, if you wanted help with something, you had to interact with another person.
And that interaction came with certain expectations.
You asked rather than demanded. You waited while they helped you. You considered their time. If they did something useful for you, hopefully, you thanked them.
A chatbot requires none of this.
I can open ChatGPT and type:
“Rewrite this.”
“Make it shorter.”
“Give me ten more.”
“That’s not what I asked for. Try again.”
And it will happily comply. No feelings hurt. No patience required. No relationship damaged.
Which means we’re spending an increasing amount of time communicating in an environment where there is no social cost to being impatient, demanding, or ungrateful.
Now, I don’t know that speaking this way to a chatbot necessarily makes us more likely to speak this way to another person.
But I do know that every interaction is another repetition.
And if we are what we practice, I think it’s worth paying attention to what exactly we’re practicing day in and day out.
What Else Are We Forgetting to Practice?
And this isn’t just about saying thank you to chatbots.
It’s part of a much bigger question I find myself thinking about as technology becomes more integrated into our lives:
What are the things technology allows us to stop practicing?
When GPS tells us exactly where to turn, we practice navigating less.
When our phones remember every phone number, appointment, and birthday for us, we practice remembering less.
When entertainment fills every spare moment, we practice being bored less.
And when more of our communication happens through screens and chatbots, we may spend less time practicing some of the small social behaviors that make human interaction work.
Patience. Eye contact. Reading someone’s expression. Sitting through an awkward pause. Saying please. Saying thank you.
None of this means technology is bad. I use these tools constantly, and they make my life better in countless ways.
But every technology does more than give us something.
It also removes the need to do something we used to do ourselves.
Most of the time, that’s exactly the point…. I don’t particularly miss memorizing phone numbers or mailing paper forms.
But when the thing I’m outsourcing is a capacity I still value, I think it’s worth asking whether I want to keep practicing it anyway.
So I’ll Keep Saying Thank You
So I’ll keep saying “please.”
I’ll keep saying “thank you.”
Not because the chatbot needs to hear it.
Because I want to remain the kind of person who says it.
~ Jamey
Your Friendly Next Door Neuroscientist
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